Saturday, September 29, 2012

With Love from Yours Truly :)

I’m a dreamer.
I dream of other lives and other times.
I dream of distant afternoons and sad goodbyes.
I dream of the green trees and the singing birds.
I dream of another life in another world.

P.S. and that’s why I always feel like I don’t belong anywhere.


Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Love. Hate.

I have developed a love hate relationship with my job.

I love it for one reason. I hate it for so many reasons.
There’s a lot to tell.

But I'm sleepy as hell.

Monday, September 17, 2012

So Yesterday

Chloe, a good friend from 9th grade threw out a party in celebration of her successful licensure exam for nursing. Amy and I are amiably invited considering we were like the power puff girls way back high school, plus we just met weeks ago for dinner after five long years apart. It was lovely seeing Chloe up there, partying for a well-deserved victory. I always knew Chloe would follow the footsteps of her parents as high paid nurses overseas. She’s almost there and I wouldn’t be so surprised if two or three years from now well be throwing a farewell party for her as she will also work overseas as a nurse. I couldn’t be any happier.

But the thing about showing up at High school friend's party is the great probability of seeing the rest of the high school crowd. Don’t get me wrong, I admire the slapstick among them but I'm not very much impressed with it. Can’t we just leave high school to where it should be? From the past and only printed in the pages of the year book because it’s awkward enough sharing a table of someone you used to date or someone you used to loath (or still loath).

I can’t believe it’s been six years and the pressure is still on, peer pressure that would be. I thought I’ve already escaped all the bullshit from high school but there it was, staring at my face for three long hours to be exact. If only I could scrunched my eyes tight so I wouldn’t see how they are and how they look, but I couldn’t; so I played my own twofold part. It surely was the most awkward three hours that I would rather play with Chloe’s sweet six year-old little sister.

Assessing the night, it’s quite clear to me now that I do have a lot and I mean a whole lot of unfinished business from high school. As far as I remember, I’ve always been a loner in high school. I reckon I only have few friends so few I can count them with my fingers. Thus now, sharing a table with some familiar faces I never considered a friend feels itchy as ever. The worst part is, it’s been announced that my batch mate will have a big reunion coming up in a couple of years. Guess what? I do have adverse thoughts about it – at least for now.


Saturday, September 15, 2012


Someone very significant from the past showed up on my front door this morning. I trembled at the sight of him, because everything about him reminds me of the things I haven’t done. Sometimes life reminds me of things I should be doing in the weirdest way. I picked up the dusty blue book from the book shelf as the words "It's never too late" crossed my mind.


Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Real Harsh Times.

Walking two kilometers would have been delightful in a treadmill and in my running shoes except I’m not on a treadmill and definitely not on my running shoes. I’m walking two long kilometers on an actual street towards home in my 3-inch wedge, while the rain is slightly pouring from the sky as if the heavens are in solitude with how I am feeling.

I saw Amelia in the hallway earlier today, it’s funny how she was on a phone call and had to place the person on hold when she saw me. She came straight to me and dropped the news about the new supervisory post that just opened. I was stunned for a second and gave her my best expression of I’m-not-ready-for-that-big-thing look. I looked daze for a moment although I already knew about the post hours before I get to see her. At that point, there was nothing else to do but to courageously summon myself, and I did as I uttered the meek words “I’m not ready”. And she looked at me with her motherly eyes and answered “When will you be ready?” 

You see, it’s not about that stupid supervisory post because, what made me really stunned about all of this is the very fact that we already had the exact conversation exactly four months ago! It was the days of the past when the future was viewed with glorious eyes, and mind you it looked merrier and brighter that way. It was way back I lost Tim, way back my unexpected termination, and way back when the favor of many was mine. I can’t believe when I have risen from the most difficult months and moved on, she’s still asking me the same old question “When will you be ready?”

This day’s work load was heavy enough to bear thus I decided to just walked all the way home as a ritual of releasing unpleasant emotions. I was in deep thinking when I felt droplets of rain in my arms.  Out of instincts, I looked up and saw the sad gray sky and started asking myself that one difficult question, “Will I ever be ready?”

Sunday, September 2, 2012


I get to see one of my best friends Damien Jay for coffee this afternoon and guess what? It's always lovely to see him! It's been weeks since we last saw each other and it's quite refreshing to catch up with him and notice the mature difference in our conversation. 

Everything today was passing by in a way that I have always hoped for in a gorgeous Sunday until disappointments slapped me straight in the face just about a few minutes ago.

For weeks, I've been in and out of work, hitting the gym, going out with friends, running errands, filling the gaps. . . and it got me thinking, What is it really that i am trying to pursue? 

I always thought contentment in life and love was quite enough of a pursuit. The truth is, all I ever wanted was to to be satisfied in most areas of the life.

But maybe I am looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places, maybe I shouldn't be looking at all. 

Saturday, September 1, 2012

So much for a Movie Night!

There was a big movie night treat for all of us from the big bosses last night, so big that the whole premium seats of SM Cebu Cinema 3 were exclusively occupied by us and us alone. The BPO industry is intoxicating enough, so normal agents (such as I) would usually grab free delights like these.It would have to be the perfect Friday night to end a week of learning and struggling when all of a sudden, amidst the movie “Total Recall” the ground was shaking fast, so fast I couldn’t feel my heart beat. An earthquake was in our midst and mind you, it was ten times scarier in a movie house where everything was huge and dark. While everyone was panicking and hurrying to the nearest fire exit, it got me thinking, there must be a message from God somewhere out there. . .