I woke up today realizing my endless insecurities in this life. I’m already drained out it’s not even 7 am just yet. Last night over coffee I blurted out a tiny part of my anxieties to my best friends Karen and Damien Jay. But now it hit me! The best that they can do to help are only to lend me their listening ears or to tell me what to do, or take me to a weekend get-away at the beach – and that’s it. The rest is all up to me. I've been burdened by these little devils of insecurities for months or even years now, it’s exhausting. I almost wanted to give up when I realized it’s a Sunday and that I still have a mighty God to turn to. Thus this little cat fight between me and my doubts is certainly not over – and yes, I will fight against them andI will definitely triumph.
It’s only mid-week and I already have a lot to babble about.
A couple of big bosses from work seemed to notice the sparkling wit in me, exactly how the previous boss and everybody else seemed to notice it from months back. I appreciate the overwhelming acknowledgement, but at the end of the day, when you truly know your strong work ethics, then no amount of recognition would really matter anyway. I guess sometimes, knowing the best part of you is enough of a security to get you through.
For weeks now, I’ve been gaping at the road less traveled by. I don’t know if it’s about time to pack my bags and head my way, but the circumstances are already pushing me to do so. Damien Jay seems to think it’s time. To be honest, I don’t know what I think. Where I’m at right now is the uneasy transition between laid-back childhood and real-world adulthood. It all seems like I trapped myself between the delight of relaxation and the challenge of responsibility. Do you realize the burden of how I’m feeling?
It’s hard to let go of something you have known all your life, it’s harder to venture into the unknown.
Perhaps life hasn't taught me that much yet to develop a special kind of maturity, to climb higher mountains and take harder challenges. I’m twenty two, and I know I’m not a child anymore, but sometimes the child within me screams otherwise. What does it take to be REALLY mature anyway? I wonder.
The last thing I want to do is to spend the next few weeks eyeing the other side of the road with a mix of passion and frustrations. Here I am, just looking from afar because I’m not among them just yet. Indeed it is a road less traveled by, and someday, I shall walk them through.